America Hates You, Phillip Morris.

I put this off so long that by now most of you already know about it, but for the three people living under a rock, here goes. I Love You Phillip Morris is a movie inspired by a true story about a couple of gay prison cell mates that end up falling in love with each other. After one is released, the other attempts a series of cons to escape and be reunited with his lover. It stars Ewan McGregor and Jim Carrey, and is scheduled for release in late 2009.

This film doesn’t have a distributor in the United States, because it is too gay. Let me repeat that. American audiences, who faithfully eat up countless shitty clones of movies in which people get raped, murdered, brutalized, tortured, abused, or any of a host of other condemnable actions are rejecting this film because there are a couple of penises in close proximity. The idiocy, it boggles the mind.

The film makers are (were? We don’t have a distributor still, so it’s not really clear) considering dumbing it down in an attempt to get someone to pick it up. This is wrong for two reasons. One, it ruins the power of the story. Americans can get well the fuck over their homophoebia and join the rest of the world in the age of fucking reason. Second, and perhaps more importantly, because that would mean less gay scenes with Ewan. And it was been scientifically proven that the degree to which I am gay can be quantified as exactly one Ewan McGregor, in the metric.

If you’re like me in that you like good movies, are not a lunatic homophobe, and think both Ewan and Jim (when he tries) are excellent actors, than I urge you to…uh…hmm. Write a stern letter to  your mayor? I’m really not sure what we can do, other than be filled with impotent rage. Regardless, I think making people aware of the outrage is half the battle. If public opinion puts enough pressure on the distributors, maybe someone will come to their senses and back this thing.

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